June 7 2025

I'm trying so hard not to lose hope in love.
Doesn't that count for something?
I hear a voice in me say to wait and hear what Rico might do, but I just can't have that much faith in him. Shouldn't I be mad at him for what happened? He told me he wasn't flirting when I asked, but does that matter now?
I hate that we feel connected to him.
I hate that I feel connected to any of them.
I hate the way we try to drown it out with other useless connections. Everyone is disappointing, so it's hard to not want to give up and go back to my old ways of playing the heartless games. I know we aren't supposed to, but that doesn't always make a big difference. "Focus on the job. Focus on work and projects"
Sure.

You aren't blocked anymore. Not on my phone, at least.

What made you stop messaging me?

I can't remember it right. I can't remember. I'm sorry. Did you love me or not? I can't remember. Why can't I remember? All they let me remember is that moment. you told me what you did to me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You never gave me a real apology. You never did. Even now. You never did.

Where can I lean?
Is it really a lesson if I would only ever do it for your sake?
"You're good enough already"
and yet they aren't so I don't care.
I know. I can't make them grow, no matter how much I sow.

I hate that I'm always complaining. I want to complain, but I hate it.