December 24 2025

I chose to be alone on Christmas eve

Once, when I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend,
He told her, like a warning
"You might not see much of her;
She spends a lot of time in her room."
He reaffirms to her
"That's just how she is."
That is just how they made me

Choosing between two painful things is just choosing which pain to practice.
I'm so good at loneliless now.
My mom often talks to the birds.
She taught me that you can talk to anything.

I saw you updated the playlist.
I love your taste in music.
The moon already reminded me of you, but now it will even more.
I don't understand why you aren't here.
I want to run away. Do you remember how we always talked about doing that together?
My friend said they feel hatred for you
I think you must've really hurt me,
but I have a hard time believing it too.
They told me "It must have been hard, being alone on christmas eve" and I didn't know what to say
I often want to tell them,
"even tho you are just my friend, still, I've never felt more loved by anyone ever in my life"
I think it would make them sad. It kinda makes me sad, I think.

I'm so hungry. I slept through dinner and now it's late.
I'll eat a good breakfast.
I won't stay long.

Merry Christmas