June 5 2025

My first note FOR YOU on this page.
We know you won't see.
None of them will.
It's just a place we choose to spill.

Did I do this for me
or is it all for you?
I tend to get the different parts
of each of us confused.
My heart still heaves,
and aches,
and beats itself to bruise.
I don't know how to cope with all the stupid things I do.
-------------------
Darling,
Did you know it was me that left kisses on your door?
I know I shouldn't want you more. I'm just deluded, right? I'm sure.
I still feel my heart pull my waves into your shore.
I fight my body and lose.
I'm no better than you.
I know that now;
I'm no better than you.
I wish I could tell you that.
Our lows and highs were so intense.
How will I feel alive without something like this?
I know it was you in there.
I heard the videos you love to watch.
I heard the familiar sound of your cough.
You begged me to come back,
didn't you mean that?
Beg me again.
Please beg me.

remember she was mean. remember. why why why why why why why why why. I'm trying so hard to chage. stop pulling me. I don't know. I don't care. i need to change. I know i will. Still. Words spilling spilling spillll. Who else can I tell? I prayed to you like God. God. GOD help me remember. Help me.